We all have our dreams of the perfect marriage – always happy, always supportive of each other, always loving and always in love, with no effort on anyone’s part. Just like in the movies – the nice ones! But, like our wedding(s), reality and dreams aren’t the same – things go wrong, it’s hard work, people aren’t always nice and supportive and it can be humiliating and savage at times. As a mental health professional, I have a deep frustration about the current state of interpersonal/romantic relationships between males and females.
One of the areas of greatest frustration is the marriage-selection process of females. People will research for weeks about buying the right car, and they have it for two years. People will research for months about buying the right house and they may have it for five years. But how long will they research getting the right marriage partner, someone they hope to have for the rest of their lives? Usually, no time at all. They meet, the chemistry’s there, the fireworks go off and the next thing is they’re married and wondering, “How did I choose this person?” Marriage could be one of the most important decisions of your life. Don’t rush in or be blinded by an act. Don’t select someone because they are the “right” race, have the right career, the right look or because your parents approve. It’s very important that you don’t settle and that you are true to yourself when you say “I do”.
The day to day reality of being married is different from the single life. Behaviours have to be modified in order to live harmoniously with another person. Marriage is also a business. It needs structure, roles, plans and shared goals for it to work. This sounds clinical but all of this is for love and the highest earthly union between a male and a female to work. It is worth it and so are you. Firstly, however, you yourself must examine all of these aspects and perform a realistic self-evaluation. What kind of role do you plan to play in the marriage? What do you have to offer and contribute? What can you do to prepare yourself for this commitment of a lifetime? Planning now will prepare you to lead a loving and enriching life with your mate. Now is the time to eliminate fantasies and create the reality you want. When you have done this inner work and are happy with the beliefs and values you want to have in your life and in your marriage, you will know you are ready for marriage.
Interested in finding out more about how to prepare for a healthy marriage? Contact me today to set up a consultation (800) 967-9416.
Wishing you the best in Life & Love,
Kongit Farrell, MA
Kongit is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (CA – 97773) and her therapeutic approach is eclectic, but firmly rooted in CBT, Narrative and Solution-Focused methodologies. She is an EMDR therapist and is completing advanced course work in Sex Therapy at The Buehler Institute of Orange County. Kongit is the Founder of the Inspired Journey Counseling Center in Downtown Los Angeles.
To know the Secret to having more peace, harmony, & joy in my relationships.
To learn the Secret to having more peace, harmony, & joy in my relationships.
Here’s my name and email information. I’m tired of the drama, send me that secret now!